the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
