called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
