My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
