I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
