I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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