i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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