I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
