mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
