If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
