Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
