Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
