Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
