Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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