Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
