They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
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No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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