I didn't shave. On purpose
Fuck appropriateness.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
