I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
