i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
