Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
