Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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