Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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