I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
