nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Vodka?
Forever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
