i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
