just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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