Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
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The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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