My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
