Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
