Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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