I wanna bring you to show and tell
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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