omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
