I wish I could punch you in the face.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
BRING THE BAGELS
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
