some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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