all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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