I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I deserve this hangover.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
