you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
