I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
