he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize