I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize