2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
