I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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