I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
