That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
