Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
