I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
