Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
