i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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