All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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