i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
