I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
