need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
