Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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