I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
