Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
