i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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