Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
