nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
