All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
