I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
