we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
whose ass print is on the piano?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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