Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
