My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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