You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
