Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It was a blind-side dick pic.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
