Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
