You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
