There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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