Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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