Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
