well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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