I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
