I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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