I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
