shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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