Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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