I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
