the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
