Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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