You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
